I am a Domestic Violence Survivor. I have taken the time to do the inner work to heal, forgive, and to realize my self worth. I am often approached by others whom have gone through similar life events. Meet Cassie W. (name changed for private and personal reasons) Cassie is a survivor of Domestic Violence just as I am. I asked her my top 6 questions that I often get asked myself. Maybe this will resonate with you. Maybe this will a help you get help or get out of an abuse relationship. Abuse is wrong.
Question #1 - How long did you stay in this relationship?
The first one lasted 5 years, the second 7. (4 years dating and 3 years married)
Question #2 - Were you made to feel like something was wrong with you? Like you were too emotional, too sensitive, or even made to feel like you were crazy?
Yes...ish? I AM highly emotional, but it was definitely exacerbated by the fact that they (both) hated when I cried and got mad at me when I did so...which of course only made my cry more. But I got REALLY good at concealing it with my voice and demeanor. So I could literally be bawling and unless you were looking at my face (I.e. Not over the phone) you'd never be able to tell. I'm still good at that ^.^
Question #3 - What happened that made you decided enough was enough? Turning point?
The first one...I went to college. And I realized that I wasn't the only non-virgin. And maybe I didn't have to marry him after all. So I (very cowardly) told him I wanted a break rather than actually breaking up with him, and then proceeded to more or less do my best to hide from him (pathetic failure, since he's the one who moved me into my dorm.) But he stalked me for a long time afterwards doing all sorts of creepy crap. (One day I came back to find a dozen purple roses in front of my dorm room door with my grandmothers necklace wrapped around the stems. I picked them up, and all the rose buds fell off (he'd cut them), so I had a handful of thorns instead.)
The second time he got progressively more violent with our infant- left hand-print welts on my 6 month old baby
(for falling, of all things), and things like that. It was more than that, but that's an example.
Questions #4 - Did you ever call the cops on him?
Nope. Not once.
Question #5 - Were there local agencies to assist Domestic Violence Victims?
No idea. I was a child in the first case (I was 13/14, he was 19), and he was a cop in the second. I'd never have gotten through the red tape. I was also too proud to accept help even if it had been offered.
Question #6 - How do you feel today?
I am SOOOOOOO lucky! I have an amazing husband who has done a lot to heal the damage both physically and emotionally. He's adopting my children, has repaired the damage between my family and I, and is helping me build a business all my own and (more than likely) going to insist I go back to college to finish the last 4 credits of my degree. (Ex husband didn't let me). I'm a stay at home mom who has full control over what my kids do, interact with, and experience, and I'm able to utilize what happened to help people instead of being ashamed of my history.
I thank Cassie for answering these questions. One of the questions I asked was if she ever called the cops. I asked this question because in my own personal situation - I never called the cops. I personally didn't want to tarnish the family name (reputation) so it never crossed my mind. Would I have done things differently now - yes in a heartbeat. I would have called the cops. I would have left when my children were small. These are lessons I have learned and hope by sharing my life lessons and others lessons......someone may get help and get out of an abusive relationship.
Sending you much light and love!
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